A Poem For Alex

My hand is full with beautiful roses. When i was near the graveyard, i stopped at the flower shop in Miri. I picked colorful roses as it represents all the sweet memories we had gone through.

As i came near to the Christian’s graveyard, the lovely roses I put it on his tombstone. The watch was showing me it is 3 in the afternoon but the weather is so dark and cloudy. I stared onto his name is written on the tombstone.

“Alexander Jerry

Born: 25th October 88

Departed: 22nd March 08“

“My dear, I will come again. Even though you have long been gone, i still love you.” My heart starts to chat with itself as if Alex can hear what i’m saying to him.

Tears start to come out from my eyes. Slowly, the clear beads of water runs down and wets my cheeks. I can’t stand the feeling of sadness and the missing him every single time i visits Alex’s tombstone.

Every time it was annual holiday break, I would return to this city to visit my Alex’s tombstone. It is a must for me to visit this place every time I come back from the holiday from Kuala Lumpur. This is my seventh visit since Alex is gone.

With this experience, i can feel that how Alex is really exist in this world. As if he is still there, right next to me. It is hard to forget. How Alex lightens up my day.

A frangipani wilted and fell onto his tombstone. I picked it up. I slid it in between the roses that i brought. Tiny grass starts to grow around his grave. I clear them one by one. And the incident seven years ago, passed through my mind…

“My dear, I still keep the poems you had written. All the letters you had sent, its in my safe keeping.” whispered my heart.

I still remember the words from one of his letters.

“Nina my dear, as soon as I come back from the lodging site, i will change my name to Muhammad Ilham Bin Abdullah. Alex would cease to exist but instead Muhammad Ilham will replace that name. However, the person is still the same. He would love you until the end of his life.”

I was so happy when his will to convert to Islam. But sadly all the will is left to dust.

Alex have white skin and a very tall person. The young man from the Iban’s race is my first love. He is very polite and has a big heart. Because he came from a poor family, his studies had too stopped.

Alex should had continued his study to America but it had to be stopped as he has little brothers who needs school funds.

To lift his family burden, Alex make a lot of sacrifices. After he finished his 12th grade, he worked as a supervisor in a chopping trees industry. Here, he get a high payment.

His father was old. His mother passed away. As the eldest son, the burden of the family has to be carried also by Alex. He is a very good and a responsible son.

As a lover, he really knows how tackle my heart. He never hurt my heart before not even making me feel jealous. The world will be in peace if all man is just like Alex. Until this very moment, the cheer that he bring in my life is still fresh in my memories.

If he is not at the lodging site, or he would have his break from work, he wold go for a part time job as a reporter and a free lance writer for a newspaper in Miri city.

A lot of is his articles had been posted. I always keep track of his writings. It is true that Alex really have a huge talent as a reporter and a writer. I was in the same department with him as i was too, a part time writer. But not as productive as Andrias. Not only he is descriptive, Alex is also a very talented in a his creative side.

His poem has the touch of intelectual. But if the poem is written for me, the poem would absolutely be a love themed. There is this poem that Alex gave me specially for my birthday. I would never forget what he had written…

To someone new in my life…

Before the flowers blooms,

And when morning is still early,

The rainbows will shine with the butterfly,

Smelling the scent of its sweet dew,

And if you find something special,

Just hold on to it tightly,

What ever goes wrong,

It would be there to calm you.

Whenever his article is posted, i would cut the article and put it in a fail. A file that i name, “Pieces of Alex“. Now, the file is my full time reference for me as a writer in a tabloid magazine in Kuala Lumpur.

I take part in writing seriously after the death of Alex. Every success that i grasp in writing is all thanks to Alex even though Alex did not get the chance to see my success. The memories with him are with me and that is the one i hold on so that i can move forward.

Whenever we are far from each other, our cellphones are the only way of connection we have. Every second that Alex would call, i would not feel lonely.

There would be sometime where my phone bill would raise through the roof. But Alex doesn’t bother, he loved me too much. I still remember where we were fighting on the phone about a clothes. In fact, that was the only fight we ever had in our relationship.

“When i come back next week, i want my dear to be dress in black.”

“No way! Black signifies sadness and mourning. Nina want to wear he blue dress, no matter what!” i said with a very mad tone

Alex was eager that i really wore the black dress to welcome him back. He was so upset that he hung up after a while we fought. I never think that there was something bad about this, but instead, i was missing him so much.

2 days after the incident, Alex called me. I jump happily when i heard his voice. I miss him SOOO much! Well he too felt was I was feeling at that time.

“Alright my dear, i will wear the black dress that my Alex ask me to wear” i said as i surrendered so that Alex would not be upset again.

“Thanks my dear! Nina, I got one more favour to ask you. I know you are talented in writing poems. So when i come back later, i want you to make a poem for the two of us.

His second wish was very hard since my writing has not reached a level that Alex would be proud of. Few days before Alex is coming back, i was searching for words to use in my poems for the poems that i would give to him. What’s wrong with taking a few words from the poem whom you really love with?

May, i cannot wait for that month. It is the month where he would come back to me and happiness would bloom between us. I waited for Alex with all my heart…

But… My waiting was gone to waste… An incident happened… Everything turns dark in my life…

Alex was involved in an accident in the lodging camp site and he left me forever. When i received that news, nothing came out of my mouth. Not even a word. There was all silent and my tears are pouring heavily down my cheeks wetting the black dress that i wore. How sad it was to face reality. But i know what fate means. The next day, the news of Alex’s death was there in the newspaper.

Miri -

A supervisor of a lodging camp dies as he was on duty to analyze the lifting of the logs into a truck of a lodging camp in Ulu Tinjar yesterday

The victim was a 34 years old and an Iban, known as Alexander Jerry. The victim is said to have a very serious injury and died on the spot.

Police had confirmed that the incident is an accident and there is no reports of a sabotage onto the workers of the lodging camp. The body had been sent to Public Miri Hospital for confirmation.

I always bring the article whenever i visit his grave. My tears was pouring heavily. I let the tears drop as a memoir of my love to him. My love with Alex would never fade.

I rubbed on the ring on my ring finger. The present that Alex had given me for my birthday. My heart can’t hold it anymore…

“I have to go back to Kuala Lmpur tommorow… I swear my love… That no one would ever replace you in my heart. Even though that we promised that only death can tear us apart…”

I stepped away from his grave with a heavy heart. I did not realise what time it was, it was already dusk. When i entered my car, i had amoment of silence. As i close my eyes, i saw Alex, a man who had brought me love.

I took the diary that was on my side. I opened up the middle page. I stared onto the poem that i created for the return of Alex from the lodging site. But it is just a poem that he never get a chance to see.

A poem for Alex

If you really want to know

How deep is my love

You ask to each

Of my breath

And without hesitation

They would answer you

That this love from your dearest

Is as true as it can be…

 

In Memories of Andrias Jok (25th october 1956 - 25th May 1990).

Im Uwaes, Signing Out,

Ciao